How I Accidentally Triggered A Hacker News Manhunt
I'm sweating. Pupils dilated. Eyes glued to the screen like a jittery, adderall-fueled Silicon Valley engineer on an H-1B visa, one missed KPI away from deportation.
My thread just hit number one on the Hacker News front page. Number. Fucking. One.
And now the Hacker News hive mind is dissecting my entire digital footprint.
Let me explain:
It all began a few days ago, when I uncovered a very... peculiar Reddit bot. This thing had a brilliant, dystopian grift: it posted ragebait about bots, whining about automation ruining Reddit, and, in doing so, engaged real users emotionally. Once hooked, people clicked the bot's embedded Amazon affiliate links, which led to low-effort, AI-illustrated books.
It was deranged.
So, naturally, I wrote about it in this blog post: "A Reddit Bot Drove Me Insane". If you haven't read it yet, go do that. This is the sequel.
Earlier today, I decided to share that post on Hacker News. Just to spark a conversation.
Within 30 minutes of posting the thread, my blog had 500 concurrent readers. The thread had nearly 100 upvotes and 60 comments: mostly people sharing their own tales of internet scams and bots.
Of course, some snark crept in. One guy took issue with my homepage. Apparently it is "inappropriate" to offer email subscribers personalised messages. Sure, okay.
Whatever. Comes with the territory when you post in public.
I refresh.
A new comment appears.
The user "anenefan" had dug up my dirty little secret: I had already posted the article the day before, and it had flopped. I had commited a cardinal internet sin: The Desperate Repost. With a wink emoji, anenefan insinuates that I'm a bot myself, considering my braindead reposting.
I try to laugh it off. Surely nobody would take that seriously.
I refresh.
New comment. A reply to anenefan, written by a user called HenryBemis.
Henry had taken anenefan's bait. Fully. Starts CSI-enhancing timestamps. Argues that I reposted the article today at "almost the same time" as I posted the original yesterday. The only logical conclusion? I'm a bot.
My fingers tingle.
I have to reply. I can't let the conspiracy theories run rampant. I have to establish my authority. It's my thread, dammit.
I start drafting.
"I'm not a bot lol"? Too defensive.
"You got me!"? Too trollish.
No no no. I need nuance. A blend of self-awareness and clarity. Something undeniably human.
I cook up a reply. A banger.
I post it. I wait. I refresh.
My thread's sitting at 120 points. Buzzing. I feel like a hot girl at TwitchCon.
I refresh.
My reply has been downvoted. My right eye twitches.
I refresh.
New reply.
Fine. Whatever. I messed up. I'll own it.
I apologize. Submit.
I refresh. I read a few comments. Upvote some. Ignore others.
Then, I notice something.
While I had been busy defending my internet honor, someone else had picked up the bot-paranoia.
User "noosphr" had dug deep into my blog; pointed out I hadn't posted in three years.
So what? People take breaks, alright? I had other stuff to do.
I decide not to engage. Trolls feed on attention.
"Follow your own path, and let the people talk," I mumble.
Dante didn't have to deal with comment threads.
I need to keep refreshing.
User "ArinaS" replies to "noosphr".
They had done a WHOIS-lookup on my domain. They noticed that it was registered just the day before. Yeah, I know it looks suspicious. I agree. It's not my fault. I decided to switch domains the same day I returned to my blog after 3 years. Oh and I switched host as well. And yeah I did create that Hacker News account one hour before the original post of my article. And I did sign up with a very botty name..
I take a bathroom break. Two minutes.
Come back.
I refresh.
Suddenly, the narrative had shifted. The thread had a new top comment:
Stop. This can't be real.
I refresh.
Two new comments under ArinaS.
The crowd is spiraling. I have to do something. I have to post a serious reply. Come clean. Explain everything. Calmly. Rationally.
I submit a reply.
By the time I refresh, ArinaS has already fired back.
I want to scream.
I try to scroll away, disengage, but the fire is spreading.
Two new comments.
They're unraveling. Speculating. Stitching together evidence. It's a digital witch hunt.
Then, I see it.
The thread has a new flair.
Flagged.
I go back to the front page. Emptiness. My thread, it's eliminated. Poof. Gone. Reduced.
I refresh frantically. Hoping it will come back. It doesn't. It's over.
The schizo commenters had mass reported it. They had drunk the Kool Aid; bought the narrative. They're convinced I'm a bot, out to profit at their expense. They're going through my WHOIS records, my domain history, my blog posts. Jesus. I should probably change my passwords.
They're probably trying to get into the blog as I'm writing this. I mean it's in the name: Hacker News. And now they think I'm a scammer bot. And so they're out to get me.
No. I need to calm down. Everything is fine.
I've got nothing to hide anyway. Except that one thing.. I swiftly cover my webcam with a piece of tape.
I check my Ring doorbell. Just in case.
Wait.
The doorbell is cloud-connected.
They could be in the cloud.
Do Samsung smart fridges support full-drive encryption?
I'm pacing the apartment, covering windows, taping over sensors, when I hear a chime.
Pling.
New email.
Subject: "Read Your Blog."
Oh no.
They've rooted the site. They're in. This is the ransom email. I'm not clicking it. I'm not falling for that.
...
I click it.
Oh. It's just someone who read the blog post. Liked it. Wanted to say thanks.
Wait.
In the first sentence..
Is that a hyperlink?
The Hacker News thread in question: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43672139 (the moderators eventually restored it and then it blew up again)